I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
