Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
