i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
please come you make the beer taste better
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
