so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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