do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
