considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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