hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He has the fingertips of a God
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