im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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