Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
