I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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