Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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