I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
