youre lurking in front of me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
