I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
