Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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