we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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