Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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