I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
