so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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