I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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