Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
