I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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