gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
