I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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