He disabled his match.com account in front of me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
