Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is Oprah even human
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
