so that wasnt chicken after all
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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