My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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