I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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