We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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