Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
