she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
