I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
