i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
