I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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