i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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