...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
