Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
