I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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