my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
