help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
