ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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