girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
