shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
