apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
