I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
