I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
