sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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