i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
