your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
