Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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