As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
