ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
