just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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