mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
