no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
